Self-Help, “Soapbox” Style

I’ve never really believed in luck, good or bad. Not that I go out of my way to break mirrors or walk under ladders, but that’s as much from a fear of being cut or hit in the head with a paint can as any belief in bad luck. Perhaps being mostly Irish has made me skeptical about luck. The Luck of the Irish, after all, runs to potato famines and IRA bombings. But sometimes I encounter a string of mishaps that makes me wish there were ways to be a more proactive in making my own luck.

Bad things happen in threes, according to my mother. Any wimp can handle that. However, what do you do when they start coming in dozens? I’ve been through spells like that, and a good friend of mine is currently treading the cosmic minefield. Surely there is a way to redirect negative energy, refocus the karma, or alter the vibes, whatever it takes to end a streak of bad things piling up on one person.

As a modern woman, first I checked the Internet. FYI, you can find all sorts of videos on how to make good luck charms on, where you’ll also find ways to break curses imposed in this or past lives. As interesting as that sounds, there must be something you can do that won’t change the tenor of your mail from Cooking Light to Coven Digest.

Bad patches affect all cultures and ethnicities. Whether you consulted a curandero, a feng shui master, a chiropractor, or the latest self-help book doesn’t seem to make a lot of difference. About all you could do was wait until bad things stopped happening to you. At least that was the case until now.

Welcome to The Soapbox Self-Help Boot Up the Bum. Over the years, I have learned most problems can be written off, if not solved, by any one of a number of expressions common among the younger generation. Unfortunately, I can’t print any of these expressions in this venue, being a family blog and all.

So here are some cleaned-up versions you may find helpful.

  1. What the dickens?!?
  2. Darn that!
  3. Stuff happens!
  4. Dang that poo!
  5. I don’t give a flying squirrel!

Make a list of all the bad things you are dealing with right now. Select a woe. Choose an appropriate riposte from the above list, say it with attitude, and you will feel empowered and in control of your destiny. If you don’t, however, repeat the process until you do, or until you need a bathroom break. It may take a while for this to work, but it’s at least as fast as therapy and a whole lot cheaper. If those phrases don’t help, try Googling “British curse words.” They usually sound more silly than profane.

The point is, be proactive. Find something that works for you and will help you cope with whatever comes your way. The old chestnut about, “God helps those who helps themselves,” although nowhere in the Bible and usually attributed to Benjamin Franklin, is not only an affirmation of buffet dining but a self-help mantra. Give it a try!

3 thoughts on “Self-Help, “Soapbox” Style

  1. Janet, Right now I am supposed to be moving from an upstairs apt to a downstairs one, but my manager seems to have forgotten about me. Which is just as well, because I have this awful bursitis in my right elbow, which means I am almost an invalid. My doctor says I had it last time in my right elbow, but I distinctly remember that it was my left. Have you ever won an argument with a doctor. So now I have been waiting three weeks in considerable pain to see a specialist. Meanwhile, nothing is getting done over here because I am in such pain. However, I’ve already tried your solution and it does not seem to help all that much. I’ll try the English versions now.

    • Sorry, I don’t make housecalls. But I do hope your pain gets better. I will send out vibes to rearrange your karma, which indeed is sucky right now.

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